HOPE

The fault of humanity is that even though we live in a very mundane world, with the same routine of almost every person there is, our thirst for passion never runs short. They say that pandora's box was filled with the reasons of human misery, and the last thing that came out of it was "Hope". We walk on the soil but we almost always want to be in the sky. Wings or no wings we always want to fly. Human heart is the epicenter of hope they say, I undestand that sometimes this is what we need to stay human, but in our mere existence our limitless dreams kill our soul, soil it and corrupt it.

I've tried to understand people, that is my passion. I wanted to understand so that i can sympathise or maybe even help them be better. There was a time when no one did that to me, so it became life's purpose to ease life to others. Compassion became my superpower. And with that I kept pushing myself to the limits. Where I stand now is a long way from home. I look back and I realise that I left my heart a long time back. A moment of flash did occur to me and showed me a mirror. In trying to save everybody else, I've pushed myself to an abyss. Standing at the edge of the cliff, I desperately try to claw whatever is left of me and all I find is Rage. It is the only emotion left in me. I dont feel anything anymore. That statement is as true as it can be. I feel like a ghost, nothing touches me, not even death. Like a dying man's last actions, I tried everything in my power to get back to that young kid, who used to cry, who was moved by almost everything. I always believed that god always tests us and I thought that was my test. Not to be weak. Not get hurt, not cry.

But now I realise how wrong I was. The test was not to live through pain, the test was to live through the pain being myself. I failed, and it has cost me. Yes I'm not a person who is weak, i can handle myself and almost anything that life throws at me, but I've left behind the most important thing I was supposed to hold on to. Hope.

I'd not say I'm broken or fallen. My condition is like the victor prince who won the battle, but standing in the battlefield which is as much filled with enemies as friends. I wish I could change everything and be the person who suffered as much as he felt. But he had hope, he could see the beauty in the simplest things. Now stands a person who conquered all his fears, weaknesses, but is not human anymore. I would never understand what destiny had in store for me or has. My choices are all that led me here, and that is sort of all i have now. I know I'm going to fall into that hole and never come back. I've never stepped back, in sorrow, in pain, in darkness and in defeat I've learnt to keep moving. One foot infront of the other, that is all I am now.

If there is one thing I pray to god for, is to take away whatever is left of it. Take all that anger out of me, make me a ghost proper. So i dont feel anything, not even this. Life's not been easy, I've learnt that it'll never be and I've made my peace with that.

Now I dont want hope either. If I dont get the choice of what to have, then atleast I want to have the power to let things go. I want to kill the part of me that hopes.