The Song Remains The Same

I've seen times change. There are good times, then comes bad n it gets worse and then comes a time when you cant take it anymore. And then come the good times again. This is what life is made of. Its a pudding with all these ingredients put in at a perfect timing. Unfortunately, sometimes we don't see the bigger picture and run after these small things and sometimes we're stupid enough not to notice the wonderful things that are around us when we keep running at what seems far ahead. But its all a part of growing up. The things that have happened in a past few days have made me question myself, made me stand and evaluate what I've been n done. But then I realise its always been so. I've always been astounded by what life made me see. I've been doing it ever since I started walking.

The first time I caught a ball in a cricket match,

the first time I became the best student in my school,

the first time I had a girlfriend,

the first time I lied at home to go out with friends,

the first time I celebrated my birthday at a restuarant,

the first time I celebrated my birthday with Beer,

the first time I helped someone get his girl,

the first time I went to a rock concert,

the first time I took a good picture and surprised myself,

the first time I broke my heart,

the first time I got into a fight with friends,

the first time I failed in an exam,

the first time I got caught smoking.

There always have been such times that I felt my life cannot go anywhere good, times when I've thought of quitting my life. But hanging on is the best skilled I've gathered in all my years of existence. I hung on, without knowing what to do. And then, without any notice came in some of the best days of my life. It sucked then, but now when I think of it, without the tragedy, my life would be meaningless. As is said in a movie I cant remember "The bad things always show you the good things you weren't paying any attention to." True to the word it is.

If I've got anything out of the miseries in life, its strength. Falling down isn't as bad, cuz u stand up sometime or the other and when you do, you start enjoying the warm sunrays which used to hurt you before. You realise the sun has always been the same, its you who had grown bad.

I'm not old enough to know everything. A lot has happened, a hell of a lot. But I guess I haven't learned all my lessons yet. Life still has some books for me to read. I may not be ready for any of it yet, but thats the trick I guess. I've still got a lot of falls to make, so I can rise higher yet. Years have passed, have grown a lot but I'm still not done with. I'm still the confused person, not knowing what to do or where to go. Yes the places have changed, so have the people, a lot older a lot stronger, but the song remains the same.

Supernatural

Even with the silver lining,
there's something wicked in the clouds.
I've got a beautiful life,I'm not scared
so Death, thou not be proud
What seems sweet will always give you pain.
In times of sorrow, keep your faith,
Cuz in the end its all about the rain.

The sight of you is a beautiful moment
I think of you in every heartbeat's gap.
When yu talk to me with your serene voice,
my heart's like a demon in a DEVIL'S TRAP
The road we walk on isn't easy.
But difficulties always come with choices.
I choose to hold your hand till life's endin'
If we're meant to go down baby,
then I choose to go down swingin'

I'm unbroken, you make me further unbreakable.
My dreams have meanings now
and every morning I wake up with a startle.
I beg the angels to pull me back to sleep.
The cursed DEVIL denies me the gift.
It seems the whole heaven is jealous of me,
Cuz I hold their prized angel.
I'll spend a lifetime in your arms,
Even if I'm damned to the burnin' hell.

You're mine forever, tell them that.
Tell the DEVIL I'll never pay his due.
I'll sell my soul for you I swear,
Cuz baby, there's something SUPERNATURAL about you.

KHATTI

I'm a happy man. I don't have everything in life, I don't always get lucky. Yes bad things happen. But I'm still happy. Every night I go to bed. I sleep peaceful. It would be totally unfair if you think its got something to do with my inner peace. Bullshit! Its because of a bunch of people, who are so fucking talented that no matter how shitty a day I had, they always make me sleep happy. These people don't have a lot in common with each other, not from the same background. They are all different, amazing in their own stupid fucked up way. You know, it takes some stupid fucked ups to make what we have.

We're not a GanG. Its not a hangout. Its exactly what we call it. Its our dearly beloved KHATTI.
I don't know where the word originated, what it means. But I'm gonna tell you what it means to me. Its a Home! A second one. The best part is that, we don't need bricks and stone to make it. No Coffee houses, no tea Bars. Its everywhere. Outside of CCD, Omfed stalls, under a tree, outside our gates, at a beach, its where we make it.

About the family, well there aren't words. I tell you, we're all heavy people. Heavy Singers, Heavy Photographers, Heavy musicians, Heavy poets, Heavy soccer fans you name it. We're all Heavy. Heavy at heart, Heavy at friendship, Heavy at insulting each other, Heavy at not letting anybody sulk up around us. We laugh Heavy. We shout Heavy. We dope Heavy. Party Heavier. We refuse to belong to this mundane world. We refuse to bow down to anybody. We might stink to some people, I promise we'll keep stinking. Things go away in a jiffy, when you're not expecting it at all. I've been there, n what I learnt is this. Live every minute like somebody's gonna shoot you in the next. Not in fear, in freedom. This is exactly what we do at our KHATTI. We live. Its like a personal brand of "ART OF LIVING".

Our presence in MAIN. Our Noise is MAIN. We're all FUCKIN MAIN!!! What we say, what we do, what we believe in, what we stand for, what we live for, what we're gonna die for, what makes us who we are. Its all BLOODY MAIN. I've met some MAIN mofos here. I know for sure, some of them will be ready to lie down in traffic if I ask them to, and the best part is that, I'll never let them do it alone.

Schools run out, so do colleges. Cities fade away. Time kills it all. One thing I know time can't touch is my KHATTI. Its within us. A part of us. Every single one gives a teeny tiny part of himself to it, what they don't realise is, those teeny tiny parts make a hell of a difference in our lives. And so, they'll always be, walls will crumble, glasses will shatter, but they'll always be. I speak for myself, Friends you'll for-god-damn-ever will be a part of me.
I don't know, if its a request or order or a warning. No matter where you are in years to come, when somebody calls down for khatti, you'll have 3 options.
1. Come to khatti
2. Definitely come to Khatti
3. Eat rape.

I had what might be one of my most memorable days of my life. My bones hurt, my eyes are heavy. I'm tired as a dog, tan as a South-African and sleepy. But am not gonna hit my bed without letting you guys know, what you mean to me. You're not just friends, not just family, u r n will always be my KHATTI.
Usually pepl end things with good-byes. Not us, Ame ta maghiya randua.
We end with it a
HAAAAAAAALOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

My Poem is abt ME

:: Its a bloody old poem, abt 2 yrs old. Plz forgive the use of ungracious words, I cud have taken them out, but it was written with emotions n I'd like to keep it tht way.::

Remembering the old times, when I wasn't anything,
They kicked me, beat me, laughed at me.
I knew I couldn't do a thing.
I knew I was weak and suffering.
With all those things I had no choice,
I cried. I screamed, but, with no voice.
Then I decided that was it!
I ain't taking no more shit.

And then I fought back, knew had to be alone.
I was fighting back and all the suffering was gone.
But the damage was done and everything vanished,
All that was left behind was pain & panic.
Had won the battle, but no allies stood.
I just wanted a better life, n I did what I could.
Just when I was walking lonely,
Love came along the way.
Light in the dark tunnel they say.
The light turned out to be a frigging train.
Fucked my heart and smeared the brain.
I didn't want to take no shit.
But shit is shit,
shit don't stop coming.
So is shit,
That you gotta live with it.


Then I learnt the second lesson.
There's no luck, don't complain.
Work your ass hard & live through the pain.
Sieze every hour & steal every moment in;
Cuz only losers whine, while
Winners go home and fuck the prom queen.
I stopped whining instead & stuff started entering my head.
There's no such thing that you can't do.
Fuck 'em all, who hate you.
Its your life after all, gotta tell 'em all;
"I'm gonna live my life my way,
I'll walk on no fucking footpath.
I'm gonna drive on the god damn highway"

The GAME is LIFE

It was a time when i was gettn bored all day long, my diameter gettn broader, thinking of ways to get thin, average atleast. Damn i even was gonna join salsa classes. But 1 day i get invited to play soccer by one of my frends. Being a ROONEY fan n a "used-to-be-socccer-player"; I decided to go play.

Day 1: I dressed up in jeans n a T(I know its lame) n my usual sandals, headed up fr the field.I was kinda wierded out by the fact dt everyone there was in playing shoes n shorts. I started playing, I shot the ball 1ce or 2ce nd i told myself, this is gonna be ok, I still remember some stuff from before. I trusted my instincts and the match started, 15 mins since the kick-off, I thought I was gonna die. My lungs started to disco inside n I could barely breathe. If you dont do any kinda of physical work for almost a year, this is wht happens. I was weak, no stamina, n As i sed i tht i was gonna die. I sat down, trying to catch my breath. I looked 'round the field, now lemme tell you abt our players there.

1.Ranvir deb: Forward, Good sprinter, thinks he's gerrard n shoots like they shot in Shaolin soccer. He actually thinks he's not supposed to miss; he does not sometimes.

2.Prabir Ku Das: Striker, he's a god damn rocket. With the ball he runs like his ass is on fire. Thinks the goal post is high up in the air, I've never seen his shots land anywhere inside the field lines.

3.Deepak Patel: He plays all positions, shoots pretty well. He's very popular fr his fowl play which is well-quoted by he himself "Sala mu khelibini ta kahaku kheli debini".

4.Sarthak Das: Forward, runs pretty well, awesome figure(he's slimmer dn any angelfish). Runs with the ball like he's gotta catch a train, sometimes he just runs n forgets to shoot. Favorite phrase in the field"Offside kauthi bey; mu janini, eita goal maney goal".

5.Abhishek Ku. Patra: Awesome Goal-keeper, Famous for his violence. Plays forward after missing 2 goals. He holds d record for breaking a guy's tooth, may god give him a good smile. Favorite phrase on field"Mara salanku, ta muha phateidebi aaji mu".

6.Sohail Ahmed:He's tall, plays good in defense. Great headers. Nobody knows tihs, but he consumes most of the Pan bahars on the field.

That's all, I played for almost 2 months, dint miss out a lot, and all of a sudden it became a habit. No matter where I am, no matter what am doing I always managed to reach d field n play. This statement validates the saying tht if therez a will there is a way. In that time, I dint fall in love with the game, I've always been, I just brought myself out.

It made me remember what I was, and thts wht makes this game special for me, It was one place in the whole wide world, tht i felt secure. I dint have to pretend to be someone else. Nobody laughed at my flaws, nobody made fun of me, Mostly because I dint feel so. It made me feel strong. I love everything abt it. I dont worship football stars like pepl do, not thts not the way it is. I love having the ball in my legs, i love running with it. There was once a time tht I used to dream abt soccer, now I jst wake up to the regret tht I'm nt in the soccer field anymore. Its not just a game, Its a sweaty, painful yet a crazy RELIGION. We all have our circumstances in life, but when in the game, Life seems to be succumbed to the perimeter f the field and all you can do then is, be the best of yourselves n give it your all. Even with your both legs injured and your head aching like shit, you put ur shoes on n everything else fades away. I know its just a ball tht we shoot around, but for me it means much more thn a sport, its passion. All the injuries n the hurt I get it doesnt matter as long as i played well. I've had ankle injuries, knee, calves, waist n feet injuries, but not a day went by tht i didnt play. It wasnt showing off, its just the fact that i actually could go without it fr a single day.

29/3/10.
Day #The last:
My shoes had almost torn, i tied my laces tight. I've heard the word dt them pepl r gonna start playing cricket. I was getting ready but inside I knew it was gonna be the last one. I yelled a lot to convince them to play football for 1 last time. They agreed, the match started, nobody was in the mood. They played it half-heartedly, it sucked even more cuz i knew dt i cudnt play anymore. But what the hell, I played, I ran, I shot, I was happy when it worked, sad when it didnt. The sun set. It was over. I glanced down 1 more time, I remembered everything tht happened here. I missed every moment of it. I tore my shoe into two and hung one by a tree. It wasnt a show off either, It was my way of thanking the place tht gave me so much, gave me 2 months of great soccer, and it was a tribute to it. I came home, was kinda low, I mean it did matter to me a lot. But then it came to me. If I've learnt anything from soccer its this"Never give up, never be dissapointed from anything, if a blow comes to you; stand up again. Refuse to stop, dont accept defeat. Be strong....Cuz thats all it takes"

Its not just a camera n pictures, Its a passion

Photography has really taken me into it. I can actually say I've found my art, not because I'm d best there is, which am not, but because I enjoy doing it so much. Its in my heart, I've found a way to express myself. To make everybody see what i see. Its not tht u always get the perfect picture its really tough doing tht, but wen u knw what you're gonna capture eventually u get it. Practice is the key. Practice n patience.

To remember why I started taking pictures, I'll hve to go bck t the time when i was shy even to come infront of the camera. Its a silly stupid thing but I had been ordered by my gf(X) to send her some pictures n so i put on my best black shirt n gelled up my hair real good. When time came to shoot i started shying away. I called her up she said she'z gonna like it anyhow, nomatter how bad it is. I got CUTE n finally decided to do it. I remember, a lot of time has passed n many better photos taken, but i'll always remember tht 1. For the first time in life i liked myself in a pic. Well tht was the start of it. A lot happened n i kept getting more involved with the camera.

The next phase came when my friends(impressed with tht gr8 shot of me) wanted me to tke pics 2. They liked theirs n I wanted to take more pics to see how gr8 it can look. This went on for a while till I met *Special mention of the asshole here* Ranvir Deb. A gr8 frnd who also shared the same passion. I was impressed n inspired by tht guy, man he's good. We had lotsa adventures 2gether, it were fun. Criticising each other we grew.

Now its been almost a year n half. In a bad incident I lost all my data along with all my pictures tht I had shot since the start. But now tht i look bck i know why it was so good, n why i loved it so much. It was not because I looked good in them. I now realise what the call "Seizing the moment". Well Its my way of seizing the moment. Everyday in life we see these beautiful things around us and we wish tht we could keep looking at them forever. I think thats why i always want to hold the camera in my hands, because u never know when you're gonna meet something amazingly beautiful and if you have I can bet tht you always sad when it was gone.

Why do we have to let go?? I believe if we love something, we should never let go and hold on to them forever. Maybe not in person, but why not in pictures. N I dont mean taking a posed photograph. I'd say my pictures always show things the way I see thm, atleast I always try to. Everytime I see an old picture of mine it always refreshes my memory. Reminds me of how it felt.
..how it felt to stand in the middle of a small lake n trying to shoot this beautiful big eagle floating above me...
...how it felt to stand n gaze at the beautiful sunset on top of a hill...
...how it felt to be on the road at 1 am in the morning, with deserted roads, chilly winds n the sound of the night..

I think there'z so much beauty all around us tht we should not let any of it go. I've found my art n it makes me happy. Not because people praise me, but because everytime i see something beautiful i know how to hold on to it forever..;)